Tips To make the most of virtual therapy/coaching
Our lives have changed profoundly in the past few months. As we continue to process the impacts of this pandemic, I believe we might be developing a new normal in the field of psychology: virtual therapy.
To read the full article, please visit:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/Virtual-Therapy
To read the full article, please visit:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/Virtual-Therapy
relationship survival tips
The world is filled with uncertainty. Anxiety levels are sky high. And we are quarantining ourselves at home with our partners. Sound like a recipe for disaster on the home front? Here are some tips to help keep your relationship in tact..
Speak their love language.
We could all use a little extra love these days. What makes your partner feel loved and valued?
Step 1: Take this quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com
Step 2: Share your top love language with your partner.
Step 3: Challenge each other to do one thing each day to love your partner in the way he/she wants it.
Teach your partner something you’re good at.
For example, my husband is going to teach me how to lift weights without hurting myself (apparently I should not be barefoot?!), and I am going to guide him through some stop-working-and-stretch-your-body yoga poses.
Take a time out from arguing.
Arguments sometimes go round and round in circles, for hours or even days, with no end in sight. This generally happens when partners stop listening to each other, and are instead reacting and defending. One way to get off the reactive rollercoaster is to table the conversation for a later date. Make a note of it in your phone, and bring it up at a better time (like when the world isn’t in crisis-mode).
I tell my clients to pick a code word that means stop. If either partner says the code word... the conversation ends. Some of the words my clients have come up with include: banana, shoelace, and monopoly (whatever works!). Maybe saying CORONAVIRUS in the middle of an argument will stop the fighting? Just a suggestion.
Be gentle with each other.
We are all concerned for our health, our families, our finances, and our sense of normalcy. And each of us shows our anxiety in a different way. Some people cry, some pour themselves into work, some go inward and keep to themselves, some people vent, some of us eat an entire packet of Oreos (don’t judge). Just because your partner isn’t showing stress the same way you do - it doesn’t mean he/she isn’t anxious. For the time being, let’s just assume that every single one of us is working through some difficulty in our minds. Let’s try to be extra aware of that. Let’s try to let go of little annoyances, and to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Speak their love language.
We could all use a little extra love these days. What makes your partner feel loved and valued?
Step 1: Take this quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com
Step 2: Share your top love language with your partner.
Step 3: Challenge each other to do one thing each day to love your partner in the way he/she wants it.
Teach your partner something you’re good at.
For example, my husband is going to teach me how to lift weights without hurting myself (apparently I should not be barefoot?!), and I am going to guide him through some stop-working-and-stretch-your-body yoga poses.
Take a time out from arguing.
Arguments sometimes go round and round in circles, for hours or even days, with no end in sight. This generally happens when partners stop listening to each other, and are instead reacting and defending. One way to get off the reactive rollercoaster is to table the conversation for a later date. Make a note of it in your phone, and bring it up at a better time (like when the world isn’t in crisis-mode).
I tell my clients to pick a code word that means stop. If either partner says the code word... the conversation ends. Some of the words my clients have come up with include: banana, shoelace, and monopoly (whatever works!). Maybe saying CORONAVIRUS in the middle of an argument will stop the fighting? Just a suggestion.
Be gentle with each other.
We are all concerned for our health, our families, our finances, and our sense of normalcy. And each of us shows our anxiety in a different way. Some people cry, some pour themselves into work, some go inward and keep to themselves, some people vent, some of us eat an entire packet of Oreos (don’t judge). Just because your partner isn’t showing stress the same way you do - it doesn’t mean he/she isn’t anxious. For the time being, let’s just assume that every single one of us is working through some difficulty in our minds. Let’s try to be extra aware of that. Let’s try to let go of little annoyances, and to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Managing anXiety in the face of coronavirus
Coronavirus is certainly wreaking havoc around the world. Here in South Florida, although our cases seem low, anxiety is running high. Many of my clients are worrying about their elderly parents or their immunocompromised friends. The stock market is tumbling. Publix can’t keep Lysol wipes on the shelves. Our travel plans are up in the air, and we are spending much more time washing our hands. We’ve all heard the CDC guidelines for keeping our physical health in check. And here are some tips to keep your mental health in line as well..
Give yourself a break. Feeling stressed about a health epidemic is pretty normal. Anxiety is a natural human response to fear, and our innate “fight or flight” response can actually help us to avoid perceived threats. The boost of adrenaline we get when we feel anxious can propel us forward in our action plan. Charles Darwin theorized that species who “fear rightly” increase their chances of survival.
The first step to managing your feelings of anxiety, regardless of the trigger, is to recognize what those symptoms are. Some common ones include: increased heart rate, sweaty palms, tummy aches, and headaches.
These symptoms mean that your body is trying to tell you something. Slow down. Take a breath. Sometimes we don’t realize we are tensing up: Relax your muscles.
Manage your symptoms. Once you’re aware of what your symptoms of anxiety are, try to find healthy ways to manage these symptoms. We don’t have to allow the anxiety to dictate our behavior. Self-care is generally the answer to managing feelings of worry and stress, and what that means is specific to each of us. Exercise, cook a healthy meal, chat to a supportive friend, give yourself a 5-minute break in your work day to breathe and meditate, go for a walk. All of these are helpful. What works best for you?
Avoid catastrophic thinking. Ruminating on what may or may not happen is not helpful. Let’s try to keep our thoughts focused only on what we know, and what we can control.
Avoid information overload. The news channels are reporting on Coronavirus almost 24/7. Constantly changing statistics are coming from every news source. Although it is generally a good idea to know what’s going on in the world, if the news is giving you anxiety.. give yourself permission to stop watching or reading, or at least limit the amount of time you spend doing so.
And if you have respiratory symptoms, and you’re Googling them.. call your doctor instead. Dr Google is not licensed.
Have a detailed game plan. In the case that you do contract Coronavirus, it is helpful to know who to call and where to go. Have your doctor’s office number saved in your phone. Know the location of the closest urgent care center and hospital. Ask your HR department for the company policy on sick leave. If you have a trip planned, call the airline and hotel to find out how to cancel/re-book if need be. Order some chicken noodle soup (or ask your mom to make it for you), and store it in the freezer. Sometimes the best way to manage anxiety is to prepare for the worst.
Get some perspective. Yes, Coronavirus is a serious and contagious respiratory illness. But, being in a constant state of worry and anxiety isn’t helpful. The same coping skills we use to manage symptoms of anxiety, are research-proven to boost our immune systems. So, let’s increase our emotional and psychological well-being, and protect our physical health at the same time.
Give yourself a break. Feeling stressed about a health epidemic is pretty normal. Anxiety is a natural human response to fear, and our innate “fight or flight” response can actually help us to avoid perceived threats. The boost of adrenaline we get when we feel anxious can propel us forward in our action plan. Charles Darwin theorized that species who “fear rightly” increase their chances of survival.
The first step to managing your feelings of anxiety, regardless of the trigger, is to recognize what those symptoms are. Some common ones include: increased heart rate, sweaty palms, tummy aches, and headaches.
These symptoms mean that your body is trying to tell you something. Slow down. Take a breath. Sometimes we don’t realize we are tensing up: Relax your muscles.
Manage your symptoms. Once you’re aware of what your symptoms of anxiety are, try to find healthy ways to manage these symptoms. We don’t have to allow the anxiety to dictate our behavior. Self-care is generally the answer to managing feelings of worry and stress, and what that means is specific to each of us. Exercise, cook a healthy meal, chat to a supportive friend, give yourself a 5-minute break in your work day to breathe and meditate, go for a walk. All of these are helpful. What works best for you?
Avoid catastrophic thinking. Ruminating on what may or may not happen is not helpful. Let’s try to keep our thoughts focused only on what we know, and what we can control.
Avoid information overload. The news channels are reporting on Coronavirus almost 24/7. Constantly changing statistics are coming from every news source. Although it is generally a good idea to know what’s going on in the world, if the news is giving you anxiety.. give yourself permission to stop watching or reading, or at least limit the amount of time you spend doing so.
And if you have respiratory symptoms, and you’re Googling them.. call your doctor instead. Dr Google is not licensed.
Have a detailed game plan. In the case that you do contract Coronavirus, it is helpful to know who to call and where to go. Have your doctor’s office number saved in your phone. Know the location of the closest urgent care center and hospital. Ask your HR department for the company policy on sick leave. If you have a trip planned, call the airline and hotel to find out how to cancel/re-book if need be. Order some chicken noodle soup (or ask your mom to make it for you), and store it in the freezer. Sometimes the best way to manage anxiety is to prepare for the worst.
Get some perspective. Yes, Coronavirus is a serious and contagious respiratory illness. But, being in a constant state of worry and anxiety isn’t helpful. The same coping skills we use to manage symptoms of anxiety, are research-proven to boost our immune systems. So, let’s increase our emotional and psychological well-being, and protect our physical health at the same time.
A heAlthY perspective on valentine’s daY
Valentine’s Day can bring on the pressure, for both singles and couples. Society bombards us with messages about romance. Bouquets of red roses, heart-shaped chocolates, and sappy Hallmark cards are in stores, in our offices, and all over our social media. Some feel compelled to find a date, others struggle to plan a romantic surprise. Regardless of your relationship status, this day can be pretty overwhelming.
Here are some tips to keep a healthy perspective on Valentine’s Day:
Here are some tips to keep a healthy perspective on Valentine’s Day:
- Reframe Valentine’s Day as a day to practice love in all its forms. Share love with your friends, your family, your pets. Tell the people you love just how much they mean to you today.
- Self-care like you’ve never self-cared before. What makes you feel pampered and taken care of? Go for a run, volunteer at a non-profit, treat yourself to a massage, eat a whole pizza. Show yourself some love... however it feels right to you.
- Practice gratitude. We sometimes judge ourselves so harshly. We focus on what we don’t have (a partner, a “perfect” relationship, the “right” body type). Let’s try to quiet that inner critical voice by focusing on all the things we do have. Make a list of what you’re thankful for, and reflect on everything that is going right in your life.
- Adjust your expectations. Nothing and no one will ever be perfect. There is no perfect partner, no perfect relationship, and you won’t ever be perfect. Anxiety can creep up on us when our expectations for ourselves and others are unreachable. Let’s try to keep that in mind today (and every day!)
THE ONE QUESTION TO ASK YOUR PARTNER
“What can I do for you?”
Six magical words that can change the course of a conversation, a day, and sometimes a relationship.
We all go through our lives hustling. Spending hours of our days at work, scheduling and planning for our kids (of the human or furry variety!), attempting to keep some sense of balance, and oftentimes being pulled in multiple different directions.
But I’m not going to tell you to breathe, to take time for yourself, to value your own needs, to listen to your body when you’re running out of fumes (although you should do all of these things); this blog is not about stress management. I’m here to talk about the impact that all of this has on your relationship. When you’ve had an especially crazy day, and you get home to your partner, and you’re irritated, flustered, and probably hungry.
The majority of us, at some point or another, have taken our frustrations and stresses out on our partner - the person we willingly chose to be with and to love.
We’ve neglected to see that our partners have likely also had a pretty full day... whether he/she is managing a challenging job, a challenging toddler, or a challenging mother-in-law.
So if you hear your partner complaining about being tired and overwhelmed, or just venting about a difficult moment in his or her day - ask “what can I do for you?”
And if your partner is the strong and silent type, but you notice their exhaustion or the stress is written all over their face - ask “what can I do for you?”
The answer might be something like.. just listen to me vent, order in some dinner, give me a hug, or go for a walk with me.
When I work with clients, I see how hard we are all trying to make our relationships a priority - when life sometimes makes that difficult to do. And more often than not, we have no idea what our partner really needs, we don’t speak the same love languages. So, let’s get into the habit of asking... “what can I do for you?” And hopefully our partners will ask us back.
— Dr. Victoria Raymond, LMFT
Six magical words that can change the course of a conversation, a day, and sometimes a relationship.
We all go through our lives hustling. Spending hours of our days at work, scheduling and planning for our kids (of the human or furry variety!), attempting to keep some sense of balance, and oftentimes being pulled in multiple different directions.
But I’m not going to tell you to breathe, to take time for yourself, to value your own needs, to listen to your body when you’re running out of fumes (although you should do all of these things); this blog is not about stress management. I’m here to talk about the impact that all of this has on your relationship. When you’ve had an especially crazy day, and you get home to your partner, and you’re irritated, flustered, and probably hungry.
The majority of us, at some point or another, have taken our frustrations and stresses out on our partner - the person we willingly chose to be with and to love.
We’ve neglected to see that our partners have likely also had a pretty full day... whether he/she is managing a challenging job, a challenging toddler, or a challenging mother-in-law.
So if you hear your partner complaining about being tired and overwhelmed, or just venting about a difficult moment in his or her day - ask “what can I do for you?”
And if your partner is the strong and silent type, but you notice their exhaustion or the stress is written all over their face - ask “what can I do for you?”
The answer might be something like.. just listen to me vent, order in some dinner, give me a hug, or go for a walk with me.
When I work with clients, I see how hard we are all trying to make our relationships a priority - when life sometimes makes that difficult to do. And more often than not, we have no idea what our partner really needs, we don’t speak the same love languages. So, let’s get into the habit of asking... “what can I do for you?” And hopefully our partners will ask us back.
— Dr. Victoria Raymond, LMFT
COUPLES COUNSELING FOR ONE
LOTUS COUNSELING CENTER BLOG
I sometimes get calls from individuals who want to come in for couples counseling, but their partner is hesitant, or totally unwilling, to make that first appointment. Oftentimes the partner who is resistant to therapy feels like they will be blamed for everything wrong in the relationship; he or she might feel uncomfortable speaking about personal problems, or may have had negative experiences in therapy in the past. But, couples counseling is still an option. As counterintuitive as it may seem, couples counseling for one can be extremely beneficial to creating a healthy, functional relationship.
Therapy is the perfect place to explore the best ways to communicate with your partner… even if your partner isn’t present in the therapy office. It is not always easy to know the right way to talk about a sensitive topic without starting an argument or hurting the other person. I’ve worked with clients – individually – to first, fine-tune the message they’d like to express to their partner, and then, to find the most meaningful way to clearly communicate this message.
Couples counseling for one provides an opportunity to understand the role you’ve been playing in the relationship troubles. Your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are undoubtedly having an impact on your relationship. Therapy gives you the opportunity to gain insight into your own patterns, to learn new ways to cope with your thoughts and feelings, and to work through pain from past relationships (or current relationships).
Therapy provides the forum to identify and discuss what a healthy, functional relationship looks like to you. This may mean learning to set boundaries, learning to clearly express your needs, or understanding the different ways partners show and receive love.
Sometimes all it takes is one partner gaining some insight and making positive changes to stop the negative cycles and to shake up the whole relationship. And maybe, sharing what you’ve learned with your partner might influence him or her to join you in therapy.
— Dr. Victoria Raymond, LMFT
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM COUPLES COUNSELING
LOTUS COUNSELING CENTER BLOG
Is your relationship going through a rough patch? Are you feeling disconnected from your partner? Whether you have long standing, deep-rooted issues or just want to create a happier, more loving and passionate partnership... Couples counseling can help get your relationship back on the right track.
So, what is it like to be in couples counseling? As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Sexologist, I work with couples every day to help them build healthy, happy, functional relationships. Most clients tell me that they have no idea what to expect from couples counseling, so I am here to set the record straight. Here are 5 things you can expect from couples counseling:
1. Your therapist is not just a referee. Your couples session should not involve constant arguing. You're probably already doing enough of that at home! Arguing is not productive. It is your therapist's job to help you and your partner understand why arguments are occurring, and to learn new ways to communicate effectively about the topics that matter most to you.
2. Couples counseling isn't just for couples in conflict-ridden relationships. Couples counseling can be helpful for anyone who wants to feel more connected to their partner, to spice up their sex life, or to learn ways to work together as a unit through difficult situations such as a medical diagnosis, grief, or extended family stressors. Couples counseling can help to uncover and resolve past resentments and traumas, and to help each partner heal in a positive, meaningful way.
3. Your therapist will want to meet with you individually, at least once. This helps to gain perspective and to get some relationship and family history from each of you.
4. The goal of couples counseling is not to change your partner. The goal is to understand the dysfunctional patterns that are present in your relationship, to understand why and how they developed, and most importantly, to replace them with healthy, functional interactions.
5. Counseling will take work. There might be difficult conversations, challenging compromises, and lots of problem solving. You'll learn about yourselves and each other, figure out new ways to communicate, and put these new skills to the test between sessions.
Please give me a call, or send me a message, if you’d like to set up a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation!
-- Dr. Victoria Raymond, LMFT
So, what is it like to be in couples counseling? As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Sexologist, I work with couples every day to help them build healthy, happy, functional relationships. Most clients tell me that they have no idea what to expect from couples counseling, so I am here to set the record straight. Here are 5 things you can expect from couples counseling:
1. Your therapist is not just a referee. Your couples session should not involve constant arguing. You're probably already doing enough of that at home! Arguing is not productive. It is your therapist's job to help you and your partner understand why arguments are occurring, and to learn new ways to communicate effectively about the topics that matter most to you.
2. Couples counseling isn't just for couples in conflict-ridden relationships. Couples counseling can be helpful for anyone who wants to feel more connected to their partner, to spice up their sex life, or to learn ways to work together as a unit through difficult situations such as a medical diagnosis, grief, or extended family stressors. Couples counseling can help to uncover and resolve past resentments and traumas, and to help each partner heal in a positive, meaningful way.
3. Your therapist will want to meet with you individually, at least once. This helps to gain perspective and to get some relationship and family history from each of you.
4. The goal of couples counseling is not to change your partner. The goal is to understand the dysfunctional patterns that are present in your relationship, to understand why and how they developed, and most importantly, to replace them with healthy, functional interactions.
5. Counseling will take work. There might be difficult conversations, challenging compromises, and lots of problem solving. You'll learn about yourselves and each other, figure out new ways to communicate, and put these new skills to the test between sessions.
Please give me a call, or send me a message, if you’d like to set up a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation!
-- Dr. Victoria Raymond, LMFT